Bitter Old Cynic Thinks He's Funny
Hipster: Semi-employed twenty-something hapless formless dweeb in second-hand clothes with no girlfriend, no money, a My Space page, and a starter drug/alcohol habit.
Handy Man: Middle-aged former hipster, failed artist/drunk on his way to a liver transplant, who charges too much for third-rate light construction.
Self-Employed Bohemian: The balding bitter cynic writing this piece.
Feel free to add your own slap-happy definitions!